Spring Break Adventures

So this is what the hostess told me – “Her name is Katrina. She will be here in a few minutes. She is very cute but definitely has an attitude. Sometimes she acts just like a diva. Remember, you can touch her anywhere on her body except on her face. But when you kiss her, make sure that you hold her chin with both hands. And finally, when you ride her, you need to hold her tight because her body is very slippery.”

Wait…wait. It is nothing like what you are thinking. Before your mind starts racing at 100 miles/hour (160 km/hr in India and Canada) imagining all kinds of R-rated, X-rated, “A”-rated (In India) scenarios, let me clarify the setting here. This is what happened at this amazing spot called, “Discovery Cove” in Orlando, Florida where we were vacationing during spring break…. snorkeling, sun-tanning, and swimming with dolphins….and Katrina in this case was a 6-year old ultra-cute dolphin who carried us around in the lake as a part of the package (though my 7-year old son Kush did slip a few times because apparently he was not holding her tight).  It is debatable at this stage whether he really slipped or if she was also trying to get away from him (if you are a regular reader of this blog AND have been taking your medication regularly, you will no doubt recall how mischievous Kush is …so may be even Katrina was trying to run for her life).

Even my lovely sis-in-law-cum-a-constant-character-in-my-blog-stories, Kanya Bahwa, agreed with my hypothesis that Katrina must be trying to run away from Kush. There you go, Kanya. I still somehow fit you in this blog. Honestly, this time with the vacation story line, it was as difficult to fit Kanya here as it would be to create a character for Johney Lever in the Bollywood movie “Black”. However, I still had to do it because if you are a regular reader of this blog AND have been taking your medication regularly, you will no doubt recall how bad it was that one time when I did not mention Kanya in my blog. The atma of that dismembered Barbie doll is still hovering somewhere in Mansarover Garden, Delhi area oscillating between Kanya’s house and my bro-in-law Dinks’ house searching for the meaning of after-life.

Anyway, with Kanya being taken care of in this blog, let us return to our main theme. So everything about the Discovery Cove was great – except the wet suits we had to wear all day. After a couple of hours of snorkeling, when the first time I went to the bathroom, I somehow managed to unzip the zipper on my back and relieved myself. However, when I tried to pull up this super-tight wet suit, the zipper won’t move at all. Well, it was a pretty awkward situation but thank God I never have to see that stranger again in my life who helped me with my suit. And after this incident I have developed a new respect for girls going to parties wearing shapewear under their dresses. And I always used to wonder why girls in a party go to the bathroom together….now I know.

When we were at the Universal Studio next day, we stopped by a sandwich joint for lunch, which was also a bakery. At several places in that restaurant they had signs saying, “Food served here has been prepared in a facility where nuts may be present.”  Normally companies claim that employees are their best assets and it is all about people etc. etc. And here you have a company which is openly calling its employees nuts. Does not appear to be a great talent retention policy… and I wonder how many lawsuits they go through in a year.

Last time we went to Orlando was a few years ago when Kush was almost 4-years old.  At that time, my wife, Anshu, and I were considering various options (Vegas, Cancun, or Disney World) for our vacation. When we were talking about these options, Kush, who had been quietly listening to our conversation interrupted and said, “I want to go to Disney World for vacation”.  First I told him that we were also considering that option but then it struck me.  I said, “Wait a minute, buddy!  You want to go on a vacation?  You have not worked even a single day in your life.  What makes you think that you deserve a vacation?  The last I checked, your “work” consists of eating, playing, and sleeping.  And you say you need a vacation???  Now tell me what will be different in vacation other than eating, playing, and well, sleeping?”  I still doubt he ever comprehended my logic and structure of the argument.  It may work in a case interview, but not with a 4-year old.

In all respects, this vacation with universal Studios, Discovery Cove, SeaWorld etc, was much more fun compared to the time when my son Nyle forced us to visit Springfield, IL (he is a huge fan of Abraham Lincoln). That turned out to be one of the most boring vacations because there was not much to do other than visiting Lincoln’s house, Old Salem, and a couple of museums. While taking a tour of Lincon’s house from 1850s, I asked the tour guide, “I do not see any power outlets so where did Lincoln plug in his laptop?” Considering the stares I received, I do not think either tour guide or Nyle was amused by my question.

At the museum, reading about “All men are created equal” I was thinking that there definitely was no concept of political correctness at the time when this all was written. Otherwise, how could they forget about women?  Another explanation could be that women are inherently better than men and that’s why they were not included in this statement (All you chicks reading this article – pay attention here, I believe that I have scored some points with the preceding statement).  Also, if our forefathers writing the constitution were politically correct and were living in today’s society, they would write something like, “All men, whether White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, Native Indian, Indian American, American Indian, Physically Challenged, Intellectually Challenged, Electronically Challenged, Rajnikant, Heterosexual, Homosexual, Dinkar Kalra, Bisexual, Richard Branson, Asexual etc. etc. are created equal.”

And as always, my final thought:

When your life is all downhill, gravity is the one thing you can always count on – Madonna.