My Filmy Dunia

I guess those who know me also know that I am a movie buff. I always was. However, now since my son, Nyle also has got into Hindi movies, it is more fun to watch them together because we can laugh together at ALL Hindi movies (even the serious ones have so many holes in the plot that we end up laughing throughout the movie). For example, I do not think that the makers of “Dhoom 3” were promoting it as a comedy movie but when, during Christmas holidays, Nyle went to see it with us; he was pretty amused by some humorous situations in the movie:

• The Chicago police are so incompetent that in order to solve a few theft crimes, they have to bring two cops from Mumbai. And it is not that they invite the best and the brightest from the Indian police force. One of the guys they brought appears to have an IQ of a cabbage. And then they also bring Ali (Uday Chopra)
• These two guys come to Chicago and from the second day know the streets so well that they are chasing the bad guy on their own without anyone’s help. And the chase runs through the waterways as well.
• Even when they are fired and asked to leave, they decide to stay back. What exactly did they do with their visa?
• And when they make the decision to stay back, they are shown in front of a SBB train. Last I checked, SBB trains operated only in Switzerland.
• We visited the Six Flags amusement park many times when we lived in Chicago for almost 10 years. Therefore, I am pretty sure that they do not give remote controls to general public to operate rides the way Aamir Khan has when he ties Abhishek Bachchan to the track of the roller coaster.
• So, Aamir wants to kill Abhishek by tying him to the roller coaster but Abhishek escapes. Later on, when Aamir gets Abhishek nailed down on the underground street below Michigan Avenue where he could have killed him with the pipe he was carrying, he lets him go. Really?
• They show all major landmarks of Chicago (The Millennium Park, Field Museum, Opera House, Chicago river, The Tribune building etc. etc.), however, they do not show the most famous landmark – The “H2O” store on the Magnificent Mile (those of you who do not know why it is the most famous landmark of Chicago can ask Kiddo Bahwa by sending her an e-mail at kiddobahwa@crazyforshopping.iloveH2O.com).
• How did The Great Indian Circus qualify as a circus when all they did was to sing songs and dance? Shouldn’t it have been called the Great Indian Musical?
• Finally, in the penultimate scene, both Aamir Khans escape after getting cornered by these 2 cops at Navy Pier in Chicago. Abhishek tells the Chicago Police that next morning he wants extra force to finish both bad guys for once and all. Where do they meet next morning? At Contra Dam in Switzerland. God Bless Bollywood.

Another movie we saw during the holidays was Krish 3. Nyle had already seen “Koi Mil Gaya” and “Krish” so based on how Krish 3 ended (the baby disappeared) and how Rakesh Roshan has named the  movies in this series, Nyle predicted the names of the next 2 sequels  – “Koi Kho Gaya” and “Roh 5”. Send me a note if you want to understand the logic behind these names.

Since Nyle is now into Hindi movies and songs and also attends lots of Desi parties with us, he recently had a very good observation. We were coming back from a Desi party where one of our friends sang some Hindi songs for all of us. If you are a Desi and you live in North America, I am sure you have been to many of these parties where someone is a “good” singer. Then his/her friends plead him/her to sing a song or two. For me, this used to be a pretty innocuous thing until Nyle pointed it out by saying, “You know, there is a reason why there are these playback signers for Bollywood stars…. because not everyone can sing well. If these people really wanted to listen to a song, they could have just turned on You Tube and played the song rather than asking someone to sing it for them.” 

I agree. I experienced this phenomenon when I came to Lehigh as a graduate student and met a fellow student, Vinay who is a very “good” singer. Vinay now is a close friend and has entertained us a lot in the last 20+ years. However, if I think about Nyle’s observation and extend the argument, I would say that if people can sing in these kinds of get-togethers, why can’t they reenact the movie scenes?? Isn’t it the same thing? This summer, we “Lehigh” friends are going to have a get together and I think it would be great if Vinay and Sami can reenact the following scene from the Hindi movie “Deewar” for all of us. For their convenience, I have already worked on the script. They just have to act it out. The script here is in English but obviously I am expecting them to converse in Hindi.

Location: Lehigh’s Mountaintop Campus, under the Iacocca Hall Bridge (pic below)

Vinay: Sami, we started our professional lives from this same Mountaintop campus running experiments in the Emulsion Polymers Institute. But look where you live now and where I do. Why don’t you move to the Greater New York area?

Sami: No, I am happy living in Cleveland. 

Vinay: You have no idea how bad it can be if you continue to live in Cleveland.

Sami: Living in Cleveland MAY lead to bad things. However, living in Greater NY area leads ONLY to bad things.

Vinay: What do you have against New York? Why won’t you move there?

Sami: My principles and my ideals won’t allow it.

Vinay: Uff, your principles and your ideals. What is the use of these principles and ideals? If you knead them together, you can’t even make enough raw material for one experiment. What has Cleveland given you? Crumbling infrastructure, lake effect snow, bone-numbing temperatures and Cleveland Browns??? Look at NY area. We have the Empire State building, Time Square, Yankees, NY Giants. What do you have?

Sami: Mere paas maa hai (which actually is true because Sami is one of our very few friends who are fortunate enough to have their moms living with them)

As always, my final thought – I never believed in New Year resolutions but this year for a change, I decided to make some resolutions – No exercise, more drinking, less sleep, more junk food, and more stress. I know many of you must be struggling with your NY resolutions, so I do not mean to rub it off, but 28 days later, I am proud to say that so far I am doing really well on my resolutions. Yayyyy!

Mixed Christmas and a Happy New Year

I know, I know I am supposed to say Merry Christmas but since it was a mixed Christmas so that is what I am calling it. To start with, I was elated when Justin Bieber tweeted on Christmas Eve that he was retiring at the ripe age of 19. The tweet said, “My beloved beliebers I’m officially retiring.” I could not “beliebe” my good luck that this obnoxious guy was actually retiring. Initially, I felt bad for millions of idiots around the world who were heartbroken by Justin’s tweet but I consoled myself by saying that these idiots will find another buffoon to worship when Justin is gone so no point in sympathizing with them. However, unfortunately for me, Bieber lost his senses next day when his agent, Scooter Braun (when you hire someone named, “Scooter” as your agent, you deserve to stay stupid), hit him hard on his head with a blunt object. Justin then reappeared on Twitter and dismissed his own claim with a follow-up post saying, “The media talks a lot about me. They make up a lot of lies and want me to fail but I am never leaving you, being a belieber is a lifestyle.”  I could not freaking “beliebe” it.  One thing I do not understand is – how can he blame the media for making up lies when he himself tweeted that he was officially retiring? But then what do you expect from a guy who has the same IQ as that of an eggplant?

This definitely was not a good Christmas for my 8-year-old son, Kush, as well. In the last few years, he has got into the habit of leaving a cute message for Santa (Courtesy Vonage) with his list of desired presents (mostly video games) and finding those presents under the tree on Christmas morning. This year again he left a message and was very confident that he would find what he was looking for when he came downstairs on Christmas morning. However, this year, my wife, Anshu, had a “special talk” with Santa and somehow the video games were replaced with some ice pop maker plus a recorder with a book on how to play it. This obviously ruined Kush’s Christmas.

Since he did not understand why this switcheroo happened, I had to make up a story for him. Every year Kush puts out milk/cookies for Santa and carrots for reindeers near the Christmas tree but this year he was pretty sleepy on the Christmas Eve so he delegated that task to me. So in the morning, after his Christmas presents fiasco, I told him that the previous night I was about to put out milk and cookies but at the last minute on a vcall, his aunt, Kiddo Bahwa, convinced me to spice things up and switch milk and cookies with a glass of vodka in orange juice along with some mixed nuts. And, lo and behold, the next morning the tall glass was empty and the nuts were gone. Since Santa got drunk, he obviously mixed up toys and left someone else’s toys at our home. Not sure if Kush bought my story but he did not get any better explanation from anyone else either.

However, it was not all bad news during this holiday season.  There were some happy moments as well….especially, for some potheads in Colorado (State Motto: “Forget Tennessee – We Have Our Own Version of Smoky Mountains) as it became the first US state to legalize recreational marijuana. Now, if Kush starts to poke holes in my Santa and vodka story, I have a back up story that goes like this: Santa started from the US West Coast and when he went through Colorado, he got carried away by all the euphoria in the state about the legal Marijuana and decided to try some before heading to Canada. By the time he got to Toronto, he was wasted and hence mixed up presents.

Arvind Kejriwal taking oath as Delhi’s new chief minister was another piece of good news though the news story describing his tweets about his diarrhea on the first day of job was a piece of sh-t (pun intended). In fact, everyone knows what kind of unusual bowel movements Rahul (Gandhi, not my brother-in-law) and Sonia must be having these days given their performance in assembly elections in 4 states. Apparently, their election strategy was written by the same guy who led the development of the Obamacare website.

Another happy moment during holidays was when my lovely sis-in-law-cum-a-certified-fashion-freak, Kanya Bahwa made it to live TV in India. She was one of the 3 chicks who received bridal make up tips from Ambika Pillai (who apparently is some kind of make-up Goddess in India) on some chick show. Those of you who know Kanya must be wondering how she qualified to appear on the show when she is not even engaged (those were my exact thoughts as well). When I enquired, Kanya told me that since she was actively looking for a suitable match and it was going to happen very soon anyway, she did not mind telling her version of the truth when her manager was searching for 3 eligible chicks among the staff to appear on this show. This is how the conversation went:

Manager: Kanya, I am sure you have already heard that we are looking for 3 girls to appear on the Ambika Pillai show. Obviously, we need girls who are about to get married. You are not engaged yet, right?

Kanya: yes, I am.

Manager: Really?? When did that happen?

Kanya: Err…Just yesterday. In fact, I was about to come to your office and tell you the news in person.

Manager: That is strange. Weren’t you in the office all day yesterday?

Kanya: Yes, I was but since the ring ceremony was in the evening, I did not want to miss work. You know how dedicated I am when it comes to working here.

Manager: Yeah, yeah. That is great. So what is his name?

Kanya: Whose name?

Manager: The guy you got engaged to. Who else?

Kanya: Right, Right. His name is err…Rizwan.

Manager: Oh! So he is a Muslim?

Kanya: Well, that is not his real name.

Manager: What is his real name then?

Kanya: Kundan

Manager: Hmmm. Interesting. So how many times have you seen Ranjhanna?

Kanya: Thirteen, but why do you ask?

Manager: Never mind. I guess you really want to be on the show so that is fine. See you at 9 tomorrow for the shoot.

As always, my final thought – “People treat New Year as some sort of life-changing event.  If your life sucked last year, it is still going to suck this year.”